Horse Jokes You Can't Help But Laugh At | Reader's Digest Skip to main content stock/bluejayphoto, Emma Keynotes/Rd.com Q: What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse ’s mouth? IStock/bluejayphoto, Emma Keynotes/Rd.com A talking horse walks into a bar and approaches the manager.
IStock/bluejayphoto, Emma Keynotes/Rd.com Did you hear about the man who was hospitalized with six plastic horses inside him? IStock/bluejayphoto, Emma Keynotes/Rd.com A guy is walking through the country when he spots a sign that reads, “Talking Horse for Sale.” Intrigued, he walks up to the stable to check it out.
“I’ve led a full life,” the horse answers miraculously. Years later, I joined the mounted police force in New York and helped keep the city clean.
IStock/bluejayphoto, Emma Keynotes/Rd.com A pony goes to the doctor and tells him, “Doc, I think I’m dying. IStock/bluejayphoto, Emma Keynotes/Rd.com Q: You’re riding a horse full speed, there’s a giraffe right beside you, and a lion nipping at your heels.
IStock/bluejayphoto, Emma Keynotes/Rd.com A Desperado rides into town and downs a few drinks at the saloon. The Desperado swears, steps back into the bar, and fires a round into the piano.
“I’m going to have one more beer,” the Desperado bellows to the terrified crowd, “and if my horse ain’t back where I left him when I’m done, I’ll do here what I had to do in Houston.” The locals murmur uneasily as the Desperado sips his drink.
The other horse says, “Funny, I felt a pinch in my hindquarters before the race that I won.” IStock/bluejayphoto, Emma Keynotes/Rd.com A cowboy buys a horse from the town pastor.
Vote: share joke Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. Johnny, looking worried, said, “Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom.
“Vote: share joke bought a racehorse today, I called him My Face. I don't care if he doesn't win, I just want to hear a load of posh twats shouting, “Come on My Face.
“Vote: share joke cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling.
“Vote: share joke guy walks into a bar and sits on a stool. In front of him he sees a big jar full of change and a little card that reads: “Hello, if you would like to win all of this money you have to make the horse at the end of the bar laugh.
“Vote: share joke Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his brand-new bike. The cop then proceeds to issue the kid a $20.00 bicycle safety violation ticket.
Soon, she finds herself atop the horse's back, galloping through a lush green meadow. Unsuspecting, the horse suddenly picks up speed, and she finds herself euphoric over the freedom she is experiencing.
Once again, the magnificent animal picks up speed except this time her inexperience gets the better of her. The bartender is stunned, so he heads to the back of the bar to speak with the owner.
The bar owner pauses for a second, then replies “Well then give him one, but charge him double. So the bartender heads back out front and hands the horse a beer.
The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range. Three weeks later, a horse walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth.
He took the precious book out of the horse ’s mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, “It’s a miracle!” “Not really,” said the horse. Behind you is a lion running at the same speed as you and the horse in front of you.
Before he left, the priest told him that it was a special horse. In order to make the horse go, you say, “Thank God,” and for it to stop you say, “Amen.” So the man left, and a few minutes later he dozed off on his horse.
Hours later, he woke up and his horse was racing him towards the edge of a cliff. Just in time, he shouted “Amen!” and the horse stopped a few inches from the edge.
A man in a movie theater notices what looks like a horse sitting next to him. Then you will have the world's biggest collection of jokes and inspiring quotes right in your pocket, and the app will work faster than the site, so it will save you time and keep you entertained.
This post has been created by Roman Marshals, the founder of this site. He loves film, comedy, and innovative technology.
He believes in bringing about positive change to the world through good-natured humor and innovative technology. If you enjoyed reading this page, follow him on Google+ or Pinterest for more awesome content.