Sir John Gielgud on Casablanca star Ingrid Bergman. Shutterstock Wikimedia CommonsActress Mae West on a man she didn't like in Belle of the Nineties (1934).
ShutterstockComedienne and television producer Roseanne Barr, on her ex-husband Tom Arnold. ShutterstockWriter and filmmaker Billy Wilder, while listening to an actor sing in the movie Kiss Me, Stupid.
Flickr / Patrick Humphries Everyone who ever loved you was wrong. I’m jealous of all the people that haven’t met you.
I don’t have the time or the crayons to explain this to you. It’s been a pleasure to meet the poster child for the pro-choice movement.
Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; you only gargled. You are the result of a wet dream your mother rolled into.
If I wanted to kill myself I'd climb your ego and jump to your IQ. He is so old that he gets nostalgic when he sees the Neolithic cave paintings.
You're so fat that your favorite necklace is the food chain. You're so fat that when you lay down on some memory foam, and it immediately forgot everything.
You're so fat that when you fell over none was laughing but the ground sure was cracking up. You're so fat that when you went sunbathing at the beach, Greenpeace came along and pushed you back in the ocean.
You are so fat that when you go out to check your letterbox, it measures 8 on the Richter scale. Be extremely careful, I ate the last person who said a fat joke to me.
You're so dumb that when you heard it was chilly outside you ran and got a bowl and spoon. A school teacher wanted to educate her students about self-esteem, so she asked anyone who thought they were stupid to stand up.
One child in her class stood up and the teacher was really surprised. You're so stupid that you climbed a glass wall to see what was on the other side.
You are so stupid that when someone stole your television set you quickly ran outside and yelled out “hey buddy! He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a pineapple at his face.
You are so hairy that when you went hiking in the mountains, another sighting of Bigfoot was immediately reported. You are so hairy that when you take your dog out for a walk, you always get pet by strangers before him.
You are so hairy that when you went to the zoo they locked you in the gorilla cage. You are so hairy that when you went skydiving, everyone thought you were a magic carpet.
You are so hairy that last year a couple of birds made nests in your armpits, and you still don't know about them. You are so old that when you pass away, there will be a worldwide race between paleontologists to dig you up.
You're so old that when you had science class the only elements on the periodic table where earth, wind, water and fire. You're so old that when you visited the museum, they offered you a full time position as a living exhibit.
You're so old that you send all your text messages in Morse code. You're so poor that you can't even afford to pay attention.
You're so poor that when you were kicking a can down the street the other day a stranger asked if you were moving. You're so poor that you go to the rubbish dump with your grocery list.
You are so poor that Nigerian princes send you money. You are so poor that you lose weight when you pick up your wallet.
You are so poor that when someone stepped on a lit match in your house you screamed out “who turned off my heating?” You are so poor that you go to KFC to lick other peoples fingers.
You are so poor that you have multiple email accounts, just so that you are able to eat the spam. You are so poor that instead of buying a bidet, you just do handstands in your shower.
Those teeth look like you could eat an apple through a tennis racquet. It's better to let someone think you are an Idiot than to open your mouth and prove it.
I guess you prove that even god makes mistakes sometimes. My psychiatrist told me I was crazy, and I said I want a second opinion.
If I wanted to kill myself I'd climb your ego and jump to your IQ. The roses have gone, the flowers are dead, the sugar bowls empty and so is your head.
Roses are red violets are blue, God made me pretty, what happened to you? Calling you an idiot would be an insult to all the stupid people.
Some babies were dropped on their heads, but you were clearly thrown at a wall. Your mind is on vacation, but your mouth is working overtime.
Keep rolling your eyes, perhaps you will find a brain back there. I'm trying to see things from your point of view, but I can't get my head that far up my ass.