Best Put Downs Ever

Ellen Grant
• Friday, 15 January, 2021
• 21 min read

Flickr / Patrick Humphries Everyone who ever loved you was wrong. I’m jealous of all the people that haven’t met you.

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(Source: movietvtechgeeks.com)


I don’t have the time or the crayons to explain this to you. It’s been a pleasure to meet the poster child for the pro-choice movement.

Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; you only gargled. You are the result of a wet dream your mother rolled into.

You’re so ugly you make blind kids cry. A good put -down is a thing of rare beauty, something to be relished like a fine wine.

Shutterstock Wikimedia CommonsComposer Ludwig van Beethoven, slapping another composer to the curb. Sir John Gielgud on Casablanca star Ingrid Bergman.

Shutterstock Wikimedia CommonsActress Mae West on a man she didn't like in Belle of the Nineties (1934). ShutterstockComedienne and television producer Roseanne Barr, on her ex-husband Tom Arnold.

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(Source: stylishschoolcounselor.blogspot.com)

ShutterstockWriter and filmmaker Billy Wilder, while listening to an actor sing in the movie Kiss Me, Stupid. Public Domain Winston Churchill, after being informed by Lady Astor that if she was married to him, she would have poisoned his coffee.

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There is a kind of unwritten rule among writers that you don’t criticize colleagues’ work too harshly, because they understand just how hard it is to produce great pieces. When an interviewer asked Hemingway if it was true he brought along a pitcher of martinis to his writing area, he replied, “You’re thinking of Faulkner.

Twain claimed in a letter to a friend that he could read James Kenmore Cooper (another writer he famously loathed) “on salary,” but not Austen. Thomas Carlyle was a popular writer in the Victorian era, noted for his retained Calvinism despite his abandoned faith.

The combination made for a man Samuel Butler quipped had fortunately married the perfect woman so that there would be two miserable people instead of four. In an interview in 1972, the Deliverance author was asked if the poetry of Robert Frost, one of the most revered and well-known poets in American history, had impacted him.

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(Source: open.spotify.com)

Dickey’s colorful response was that if anyone ever saw Frost’s influence on one of his poems, he would “take that particular work … shred it, and flush it down the toilet, hoping not to clog the pipes.” Samuel Butler was an established author and translator in his own right, but in criticizing Johann Wolfgang von Goethe he took on one of the most well-respected writers in history.

His style of prose was free flowing and unfettered and appealed to young people at a time when they were tired of feeling restricted by society. It seems Jonson was considered to be on the slow side when it came to writing plays, and he may have slightly resented Shakespeare’s ability to churn them out.

“I remember, the players have often mentioned it as an honor to Shakespeare that in his writing (whatsoever he penned) he never blotted out line,” Jonson said in his book Timber, or Discoveries. “Little Nell” is the heroine of the story, a young girl whose parents have died and whose only family in the world is her grandfather who raises her.

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Microsoft may earn an Affiliate Commission if you purchase something through recommended links in this article. Microsoft may earn an Affiliate Commission if you purchase something through recommended links in this article.

Addie Stevenson on Richard Nixon: “The kind of politician who would cut down a redwood tree and then mount the stump to make a speech for conservation.” George Plekhanov, Russian Social Democrat, on Vladimir Lenin: “You show the bourgeoisie your behind.

Microsoft may earn an Affiliate Commission if you purchase something through recommended links in this article. A demitasse would fit his head like a sombrero.

After meeting, you, I've decided I am in favor of abortion in cases of incest. All of your ancestors must number in the millions; it's hard to believe that many people are to blame for producing you.

Don't you realize that there are enough people to hate in the world already without your working so hard to give us another? Ever since I saw you in your family tree I've wanted to cut it down.

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(Source: www.redditgifts.com)

He comes from a long line of real estate people -- they're a vacant lot. He does the work of three men: Moe, Larry, and Curly.

He named the street he owned after his wife. What a grand statement of his love for her; for she was cold, hard, cracked, and only gets plowed around the holidays.

He's so short he can sit on a piece of toilet paper and dangle his feet. He's the reason brothers and sisters shouldn't marry.

Hey, act your age -- senile! Hey, I heard you went to the butcher and asked for 10 cents worth of dog meat, and he asked you if you wanted it wrapped or if you would eat it on the spot.

I could make a monkey out of you, but why should I take all the credit? I hear the only place you're ever invited is outside.

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(Source: www.pinterest.com)

I hear you are being accepted into an exclusive club because they need someone to snub. I hear you are connected to the Police Department -- by a pair of handcuffs.

I heard you went to have your head examined, but the doctors found nothing there. I used to think that you were a big pain in the neck.

I'd like to leave you with one thought ... but I'm not sure you have a place to put it! I'd like to see things from your point of view, but I can't seem to get my head that far up my ass.

I'd love to go out with you, but my favorite commercial is on TV. I'd rather pass a kidney stone than another night with you.

If what you don't know can't hurt you, she's practically invulnerable. If you act like an ass, don't get insulted if people ride you.

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(Source: www.gq-magazine.co.uk)

If you ever tax your brain, don't charge more than a penny. If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you get change back.

I'm glad to see you're not letting your education get in the way of your ignorance. I'm going to memorize your name and throw my head away.

It is such a shame to ruin such beautiful blonde hair by dying your roots black. Yours is a prima facie case of ugliness.

It's hard to get the big picture when you have such a small screen. I've had many cases of love that were just infatuation, but this hate I feel for you is the real thing.

Never enter a battle of wits unarmed. No one will ever know that you've had a lobotomy, if you wear a wig to hide to the scars and learn to control the slobbering.

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(Source: www.reddit.com)

They just say you were sixteen years old before you learned how to wave good-bye. Pardon me, but you've obviously mistaken me for someone who gives a damn.

She's got more chins than the Hong Kong telephone book. She's so ugly they used to put a pot roast in her lap, so the dog would play with her.

Some folks are so dumb, they have to be watered twice a week. Some people don't hesitate to speak their minds because they have nothing to lose.

The next time you shave, could you stand a little closer to the razor? The only thing he brought to this job was his car.

The overwhelming power of the sex drive was demonstrated by the fact that someone was willing to father you. The thing that terrifies me the most is that someone might hate me as much as I loathe you.

downs ups
(Source: goflowjoe.wordpress.com)

The twinkle in his eyes is actually the sun shining between his ears. The wheel is still spinning but the hamster died.

I hope you meet someone who is good-looking, intelligent, and cultured. They shot him through the stupid forest, and he didn't miss a tree.

We do not complain about your shortcomings but about your long staying. When God was throwing intelligence down to the Earth, you were holding an umbrella.

When you die, I'd like to go to your funeral, but I'll probably have to go to work that day. When you die, you should have your brain donated to science.

Would you like to replace my business partner who died this morning? You are about as useful as a windshield wiper on a goat's ass.

chris hemsworth he body famous
(Source: www.etonline.com)

You are so fat that I hear you were arrested three times for jaywalking when all the time you were just standing on the corner waiting for the light to change. You are such a smart-ass I bet you could sit on a carton of ice cream and tell what flavor it is.

You must have gotten up on the wrong side of the cage this morning. You possess a mind not merely twisted, but actually sprained.

You should be the poster child for birth control. You should have been born in the Dark Ages; you look terrible in the light.

You should toss out more of your funny remarks; that's all they're good for. Your parents prayed that the world would be made to suffer and here you came along.

You're so dumb you thought Taco Bell was a phone company. You're so fat you laid down in the ocean and Spain claimed you as the New World.

(Source: www.youtube.com)

You're so slow it takes you an hour and a half to watch “Sixty Minutes.” You're so stupid you threw a rock at the ground and missed.

You're so stupid you trip over the cord of a cellular phone! You're so ugly when you went to a haunted house they offered you a job.

You're so ugly you make blind kids cry. You're so ugly your husband takes you with him everywhere he goes, so he doesn't have to kiss you bye.

You're so ugly, when you walk into Taco Bell, EVERYONE runs for the border! You've got your head so far up your ass you can chew your food twice.

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